How Trauma Affects the Brainstem: Using Breathwork in Therapy to Heal Anxiety and Emotional Overwhelm

Deep within your brain, beneath the overthinking, underneath the self-doubt and the constant mental load you carry as a woman, lives one of the most ancient parts of your nervous system: your brainstem.

You don’t have to understand neuroscience to heal. But sometimes understanding what’s happening inside your body can soften the shame and self-blame.

Because you are not “too sensitive.” You are not “dramatic.” And you're not broken!!

Your nervous system has been protecting you.

The Part of You That Keeps Watch

Your brainstem sits at the base of your brain, quietly running the essentials like breathing, heart rate, survival responses. It’s like a vigilant guardian, and it has one job: keep you alive.

For many of the women I work with, that guardian has been on high alert for a long time.

Maybe you grew up walking on eggshells, or you learned to be the “good one.”

Maybe you survived betrayal, emotional neglect, criticism, or trauma.

Or you’re navigating perimenopause and feel like your body suddenly stopped cooperating the way it used to.

Your brainstem doesn’t care about social expectations or productivity goals. It cares about safety. And if it learned that the world is not entirely safe, it adjusts accordingly.

Why You Feel Stuck in Anxiety (Even When Life Looks “Fine”)

When trauma or chronic stress enters the picture, your brainstem shifts into protection mode. It tightens your breathing, increases vigilance, and keeps you ready.

This is why you might notice:

• Shallow breathing when you’re overwhelmed

• A tight chest during conflict

• A racing heart when you’re criticized

• Feeling on edge even when nothing is “wrong”

Your body is remembering. Your brainstem has learned that staying alert equals staying safe.

For high-achieving women especially, this can look like:

• Over-functioning

• Difficulty resting

• Feeling guilty when you slow down

• Always anticipating what could go wrong

Underneath all of that? A nervous system that doesn’t fully trust safety yet.

Why Breathing Can Feel So Hard

Here’s something many women feel relieved to hear in my office: If focusing on your breath feels uncomfortable… that makes sense. Breath can seem simple, but for trauma survivors, focusing on the breath can feel anything but easy.

When I guide clients toward their breath, sometimes the first reaction is not calm, but actually discomfort.

You might notice:

• Heightened awareness of the body, which can feel overwhelming, bringing physical sensations or emotions they may have disconnected from.

• Unwanted memories as breathing deeply can stir the body’s stored experiences of trauma.

• A sense of vulnerability because deep breathing invites relaxation, and for survivors, relaxation can feel too close to letting their guard down.

Relaxation can feel unsafe when your nervous system has learned that vigilance is protective.

Your brainstem may interpret deep breathing as: “If we soften, we could get hurt.”

That response is intelligence shaped by experience.

And this is why trauma-informed therapy matters. Acknowledging that breath may be challenging at first is part of the healing process, a compassionate reminder that the discomfort is temporary and that breath can gradually become a bridge to safety.

The Gentle Shift: Working With Your Nervous System

The truth is this: The same brainstem that keeps you in survival mode also holds the doorway to healing because it controls your breath.

When we work with breathing in therapy, we’re not just “doing a technique.” We’re sending direct signals to your nervous system: “It’s okay. We’re safe enough right now.”

Through slow, intentional breath, we stimulate the vagus nerve—a powerful pathway between your brain and body that supports calming and regulation.

Over time, this:

• Lowers baseline anxiety

• Reduces fight-flight-freeze responses

• Builds emotional steadiness

• Increases your capacity to tolerate difficult feelings

And we do this gradually. Gently. Respectfully without forcing, pushing, or overwhelming your system.

What This Looks Like in Our Work Together

Here's what makes this knowledge so empowering: Your breath is always with you, a built-in tool for nervous system regulation.

When you sit in therapy with me, you don’t just bring your thoughts. You bring your body. Your patterns. Your history. Your breath.

And as you probably know by now, trauma doesn’t just live in the mind, but also shows up in the body. That’s why our work is not only about insight, but includes nervous system regulation.

Sometimes we start by simply noticing your breath without changing it. Not “doing it right.”

Just awareness. And that awareness begins to rebuild trust between you and your nervous system.

From there, we may gently explore:

1. Diaphragmatic (Belly) Breathing

A hand on your belly. Feeling it rise and fall. This activates the diaphragm and supports the body’s relaxation response. It’s a quiet signal to your brainstem that it can ease its grip.

2. Structured Breathing (Like Box Breathing)

Inhale for four. Hold for four. Exhale for four. Pause for four. Predictable rhythm builds predictability internally—something many women didn’t have growing up.

3. Extended Exhale

A slightly longer exhale than inhale. This supports the parasympathetic nervous system—the “rest and restore” branch. Each extended exhale is a small act of release.

And we always go at your pace.

Breath as a Pathway in Therapy

When you sit in a therapy session, you bring more than words; you bring your body and all its memories. Trauma is not just an experience in the mind; it lives in the body, bound to the rhythms of breath and heartbeat. And because the brainstem stores these survival responses deep below conscious thought, the path to healing often starts in places beyond words.

For the Woman Who Is Tired of Being “Strong”

If you’ve been the reliable one. The resilient one. The one who keeps it together.

You may not even realize how tightly your nervous system has been bracing.

Many women come to me saying:

“I don’t know why I’m anxious. My life is fine.”

“I feel disconnected from myself.”

“I’m exhausted but can’t relax.”

“I don’t feel like I can fully exhale.”

That last one is often literal.

Therapy becomes the place where you finally get to exhale. Because your nervous system slowly learns it doesn’t have to do this alone anymore.

Rewiring Safety, One Breath at a Time

Healing the brainstem’s trauma patterns doesn’t happen through logic alone. It happens through experience.

Each time you:

• Stay present with a difficult emotion

• Notice your breath instead of abandoning yourself

• Allow your body to soften, even 5%

• Feel supported while something vulnerable arises

You are teaching your nervous system a new baseline. Safety doesn’t have to mean perfection or control. It can simply mean: “Right now, I am supported.” That’s resilience.

The Bigger Picture: Reclaiming Your Body

As you continue your day after reading this, I invite you to pause occasionally and notice your breath. Feel the gentle rise and fall of your chest, the subtle expansion of your ribcage. In these moments of awareness, you're engaging in a dialogue with one of the most ancient and wise parts of your nervous system.

Healing is not forcing change or fighting against your body's protective mechanisms. It's cultivating a relationship with these deep processes, understanding their language, and working with them rather than against them.

You can learn to feel safe inside yourself.

One breath at a time.

And you don’t have to do that work alone. If you're interested in working with me, feel free to reach out for a free consultation.

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