What do you want and need in a therapist? This article explores that question, from qualifications and practical details to feeling understood and having room for the complexity of your life. I share why I keep a small social media presence, how I work with women in Illinois, and questions you can ask during a consultation. Your preferences and feedback matter, even if you are still figuring out what you need.
By Michaela Kozlik, LCPC · Licensed therapist specializing in perimenopause, anxiety & trauma | Illinois
When you are looking for a therapist, qualifications and experience matter. So do practical details like cost, availability, and if they can work with you where you live. But there is also something more personal: can you imagine talking honestly with this person?
I am curious about what helps you answer that question.
What makes you pause on someone’s website? What helps you imagine talking with them? What makes you leave?
You might want to know about their training, experience, or how they work. You might be looking for someone who understands a particular part of your life. You might read everything and still find yourself wondering, But what would it actually feel like to sit down with this person?
I think about that when I write here. How much can you learn about me through a website? What would help you decide whether to reach out? And what do you need that a therapist’s bio or list of approaches doesn’t tell you?
Why finding a therapist online can feel hard
Therapist websites often use similar words: supportive, compassionate, collaborative.
Those words may describe sincere intentions. Still, they don’t tell you exactly what a session will feel like.
Will this therapist ask questions? Will she explain what she is noticing? What happens if you get overwhelmed, go blank, or disagree with her?
I wonder whether these are some of the things you want to know when you read about us.
I keep a small social media presence. I post on Threads and Pinterest, and I write here on my website. I am comfortable with that choice. It reflects how I want to spend my energy and communicate about my work.
I find it difficult to express the complexity of mental health in short posts. What else is happening in your life? How did this begin? What does this experience mean to you?
Those questions are central to how I work. Longer writing gives me more room to share that, although getting to know each other still takes a conversation.What helps you feel understood?
What helps you feel understood in therapy?
I don’t want to assume that feeling understood means the same thing to every woman. I wonder what being understood would look like for you.
Would it help to have someone ask questions you haven’t been asked before? Someone who remembers the details and notices a change in how you are feeling? Someone who can stay with a difficult conversation without rushing to make it better?
Would you want a therapist to be direct? To offer more guidance? To give you time to find your own words?
You might want different things at different times. On one day, you may need help making sense of an overwhelming reaction. On another, you may want to talk about a decision and leave with something practical to try.
And sometimes you may simply need to say something out loud without immediately being asked what you are going to do about it.
I don’t want to assume that I know which of those matters most to you.
Therapy for women needs to consider the life you are living
Advice can sound straightforward until you try to apply it.
Set a boundary. Ask for help. Rest. Put yourself first.
But what happens when setting a boundary affects a relationship you depend on? When help is limited? When you have responsibilities that don’t disappear because you are exhausted?
Your circumstances are part of the conversation. And so are the expectations you have learned about being agreeable, capable, available, or responsible for other people’s feelings.
I want to know what happens in those moments.
What makes the choice difficult? What are you trying to protect? What do you want, and what gets in the way of taking that seriously?
For many women, there is also the question of what they can realistically ask of themselves when they are already tired. Helpful therapy has to meet the life you are living.
What do you need from the person sitting with you?
Some women come to therapy having spent years paying attention to everyone else. They can describe what their partner needs, what their children are struggling with, or why someone behaved the way they did. Asked about themselves, they may need a minute.
Others know exactly what they feel and are frustrated that knowing hasn’t changed much.
Some have had helpful experiences in therapy. Others have felt misunderstood, rushed, or reluctant to say that something wasn’t working.
I would want to hear about that.
If you have been in therapy before, what helped? What was missing? Were there things you wished you could say to your therapist but didn’t?
If this is your first time, what are you hoping for? What feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable about beginning?
How I approach our work together
In my work with women, I pay attention to your emotions, your body, your relationships, and the experiences that have shaped how you respond to life.
I draw on somatic therapy, Internal Family Systems, attachment awareness, and relational work. We might notice what happens in your body during a difficult conversation, explore parts of you that want different things, or look at what you have learned to expect from other people.
We also talk about everyday life: the conversation you keep replaying, the resentment you feel uncomfortable admitting, the exhaustion, or the decision you keep putting off.
I bring knowledge and experience, and I want your feedback. Does what we are exploring feel relevant? Are we moving too quickly? Do you need more direction, more time, or a different way of approaching something?
You can tell me that I have misunderstood. You can disagree. You can say that a suggestion doesn’t fit.
Those conversations help me understand you and help us shape the work together.
Questions to ask a therapist during a consultation
A consultation gives you an opportunity to ask about the therapist and explain a little about what brings you there. You don’t need to tell your whole story.
You might ask:
How do you work with the concerns I am bringing?
What might a typical session with you look like?
How do you decide which approaches to use?
What happens if I feel overwhelmed or don’t know what to say?
How will we talk about whether therapy is helping?
Can I tell you if I need something different?
What are your fees, scheduling options, and cancellation policies?
You don’t need to ask every question. Choose what would help you make a more informed decision.
I would also be interested in what you wish a therapist would ask you during that first conversation.
What if you have tried therapy before?
If you have been in therapy before, I am curious about your experience. What helped? What was missing? Did you feel able to say when something wasn’t working? Were there things you understood intellectually but still struggled with in everyday life?
You might want a different approach now. You might want more attention to your body and emotions, more practical support, or a relationship where you feel comfortable being direct.
You are allowed to bring those preferences into a new therapy relationship. We can also explore them together if you know something felt off but can’t yet explain why.
What would you like your therapist to understand?
I would like to know what you hope for, and what you are tired of explaining.
What helps you trust someone enough to begin? What feels missing when you read our websites? What would make it easier to ask for what you need? What do you need more of? What would you like to be different from the support you have received before?
I am interested in those answers because they matter to the relationship we are trying to build.
You can read more about me and what has shaped my approach here. My hope is that you get enough of a sense of me to decide whether you would like to have a conversation.
If you are considering working with me, you are welcome to schedule a free consultation.
📞 773-343-5005 🌐 inpsychotherapy.com 📧 Michaela@inpsychotherapy.com
Frequently asked questions
How do I know whether a therapist is a good fit?
You may begin to get a sense through their website and an initial conversation. Notice whether you feel listened to, whether their approach makes sense to you, and how they respond to your questions. You can keep assessing the fit as you work together; you don’t have to know immediately.
Do I need a therapist who specializes in women’s mental health?
Therapist with experience in women’s mental health may be helpful if you want to explore concerns involving perimenopause, motherhood, caregiving, relationships, or expectations placed on women. Ask how their experience relates to your specific concerns rather than relying on the specialty label alone.
What can I ask during a consultation?
You can ask about their experience with your concerns, what sessions are like, and how they decide which approaches to use. Practical questions about fees, availability, and scheduling matter, too. It is also okay to ask how they respond when a client feels stuck or says that something isn’t helping.
What if I don’t know what I need from therapy?
You can begin with what feels hard or what you wish were different. You don’t need to choose an approach or arrive with clear goals. Part of our work can be understanding what you need and how we might work toward it.
What is the difference between talk therapy and somatic therapy?
Talk therapy uses conversation to explore your experiences and support change. Somatic therapy also brings attention to physical sensations and responses, such as tension, changes in breathing, or feeling disconnected. In my practice, conversation and attention to the body can happen together.
Can I tell my therapist something is not helping?
Yes. You can ask questions, disagree, or request a different pace or focus. I welcome that feedback. It helps us understand your experience and consider what needs to change in our work.
Do I need to be ready to talk about everything?
You can begin with what you feel able to share. We can talk about your hesitation and what would help you feel more comfortable, without requiring you to tell your whole story at once.
How do I find an online therapist in Illinois?
Start with your insurance provider’s directory, a therapist directory such as Psychology Today or Therapy Den. Or search for the support you want, for example, “online therapist for women in Illinois” or “perimenopause therapist Illinois.”
Choose a few therapists whose approach interests you. Check whether they work with clients in Illinois, accept your insurance or fit your budget, and have appointments that work with your schedule. If those details aren’t listed, ask.
Then arrange an initial consultation, if offered. You can briefly explain what brings you to therapy, ask how they would approach your concerns, and notice how you feel talking with them. You don’t have to commit to ongoing sessions during that first conversation.
Work With Me
Therapy Intensives — Illinois
Perimenopause Therapy — Illinois
Trauma Therapy & Complex PTSD — Illinois
About Michaela
Michaela Kozlik, LCPC — Licensed therapist in Illinois specializing in perimenopause, anxiety, trauma, and nervous system regulation for women. Offering individual therapy and therapy intensives virtually throughout Illinois.
📞 773-343-5005🌐 inpsychotherapy.com📧 Michaela@inpsychotherapy.com
Serving women virtually across Illinois — Chicago, Evanston, Oak Park, Naperville, Wilmette, Hinsdale, Downers Grove, Schaumburg, Glenview, Libertyville, Rockford, Peoria, Springfield, Champaign, Aurora, Joliet, Elgin, Waukegan, Wheaton, Barrington, Lake Forest, Highland Park, Winnetka, Glencoe, Northbrook, Palatine, Arlington Heights, Skokie, Elmhurst, Lombard, Lisle, Bolingbrook, Orland Park, Tinley Park, Oak Lawn, Homewood and beyond.